Psalm 40

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"

17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.

Seeing You Off the Edges

Thanks to Ben Mauch for giving me beautiful music.

I really want to be on Temporary Residence Limited. Even though, I don't really do post-rock music that much. I just love every single band on that label.

Ephesians 3:14-21

14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Not to over-spiritualize things, but what if we really took God up on His promise to do above and beyond what we can ask or imagine? How would we live and what would we seek to accomplish if we had no fear of failing? What decisions would I make? What risks would I take?

What if, being rooted and established in love, I started living life like mountains could be moved into the sea with no problems? Living a life of simplicity and justice and love. Making decisions under the direction of the Holy Spirit, understanding that the same Power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, in my heart and in my fingers.

Well I'd live without fear, wouldn't I?

I just have to do my part, work hard, and live a life honoring to God, keeping myself open, so if I start to go a stupid direction, He'll let me know.

Anyways. So I want to record soon.

I haven't felt this sick in a good long while. I think I have food poisoning. I'm going to go to the doctor's tomorrow to see what's up.

I miss my family the most when I feel ill. Especially my dad.

I went to work for like an hour and then went home. And I had to miss Sad-Eyed Bird practice today. Boooooo.

in a hurry, but there's so much time

Here's a mix I made my friend of some of my favorite songs.

I've been thinking about belonging a lot. And community, and all those other Christian buzzwords.

But for serious, I've been thinking about belonging a lot. Feeling accepted and all that. How to help others feel a part of your family, and how to create that kind of atmosphere. How to love in spite of all the junk we have. I feel sad about a couple of my friendships and how they are going.

But things are really good. Me and my friends meet Thursday nights and talk about the book of Isaiah. We're all in this place where we are so ready to go to the next place and God is totally bringing us there. It's hard and uncomfortable, but it's progress.

The World Is Our ____

Sometimes I feel like such an ass.

Psalm 19
1The heavens are telling of the glory of God;
And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
2Day to day pours forth speech,
And night to night reveals knowledge.
3There is no speech, nor are there words;
Their voice is not heard.
4Their line has gone out through all the earth,
And their utterances to the end of the world
In them He has placed a tent for the sun,
5Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber;
It rejoices as a strong man to run his course.
6Its rising is from one end of the heavens,
And its circuit to the other end of them;
And there is nothing hidden from its heat.
7The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether.
10They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.
11Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;
In keeping them there is great reward.
12Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.
13Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins;
Let them not rule over me;
Then I will be blameless,
And I shall be acquitted of great transgression.
14Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.

Ben Sooy's first record.

1. 12.21.2.14
2. Faded Photograph
3. Stars
4. Casey Stocksmith
5. Thailand
   
6. Folksplosion
   
7. Ben Sooy's piano song that he plays every day at the Yeardley house's piano.
8. B&T Strike Again
   
9. In My Memory, Black is Where White Should Be.
   
10. Love and Grace
    
11. Under a Tree, Wrapped in Blankets
    

This is what I want the final track order to look like. It's sort of a concept record, lyrically and musically.

Tracks 1-5 are going to be full band electric guitar songs. Track 6 is going to be lofi and acoustic as crap but with like ten people playing and singing at the same time, banjos, ukes, and harmonicas galore. 7-9 are going to be pretty simple and acoustic. 10 will be full band again. 11 will be acoustic as well.

It'll probably be recorded gradually, a couple tracks at a time, doing the acoustic stuff first. But I am so looking forward to it. I hope to get as many of my friends who play and sing to be a part of this as possible.

c'mon skinny love, what happend here?

The show on Saturday went well, by the way.
Also played a show with Sad-Eyed Bird on Monday. The more Sad-Eyed shows I play, the worse my hearing loss becomes. Buy more earplugs.

I've been thinking a lot about community, and living simply. Having a monastic mindset. I've been praying for something to happen for so long. For God to take every inch. And even if I haven't be praying as much as a should about it, I am now.

Did it take this for me to move forward? A heartbreak? I thought today about what Mez would say if she had a conversation with me today, or if she met me for the first time today. I mean I guess it doesn't matter.

Do not be defined by your past, do not dwell in it.

THAT'S THE THING!! I'm finally moving forward. Finally coming out of a heartbreak mentality. I'm finally able to write about love and be passionate about social justice and living out the Gospel. All the things that got so put on hold over the last year.

There's a lot of doubt about the future, and if I'll find someone. God's breaking me of the need to be with someone to feel okay about myself. I'm trying to get there. God promised to be my hope and joy and love. I'm trying not to put my hope in another human being, no matter how stunning they look or how they may make me feel.

I'm feeling passionate about things again. It got so hard to feel anything at all over the past year. So this is a big deal.

But to be honest, I have a lot of doubt about myself. I mean everybody does. But are these songs good enough? Can I play them well enough? Will they ring true? Am I good enough?

Is putting school on hold the right thing?

But I don't feel like I need to hide these doubts. I feel like it's part of confessing our sins to one another. Realizing that God is so much more of a big deal than these mistakes and these shortcomings.

I've been thinking a lot about my dad. And how I basically want to be just like him when I grow up. I have so much respect for who he is and how God has healed him in spite of big, big pain. And how he changes the world around him for the better. I want to read the same books that he does and preach from the same soapbox, without any doubt about your calling, because you have the Truth to back you up.

That's the kind of authority I have. Truth.

1 Corinthians 3:18-23

18Let no man deceive himself If any man among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise.

19For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God For it is written, "He is THE ONE WHO CATCHES THE WISE IN THEIR CRAFTINESS";

20and again, "THE LORD KNOWS THE REASONINGS of the wise, THAT THEY ARE USELESS."

21So then let no one boast in men For all things belong to you,

22whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or things present or things to come; all things belong to you,

23and you belong to Christ; and Christ belongs to God.

So I have no doubt in my mind about my worth, about who I am. I am Christ's and Christ is God's. All things are mind. So anyways. I love how God just talks me out of my fears and doubts.

I'm praying that I am desperately God's. Because I can't be any other way. I pray that he has my decisions. My songs, my recordings. My hopes and my dreams and my relationships.

the gloria record

I've been thinking a lot about what makes a band good or what makes an album good. I realized it's not really the originality or the musicianship or the production. It's something more undefined. Something more along the lines of what rings true. What resonates. So how do you make a good record. A passionate, true, beautiful record.

Don't be afraid to talk about who you are or what you're going through. Try what you can to make music you want to hear no matter how hard it is.

I'm going to do an acoustic record with some friends of mine. I hope it'll be good. I'm picking songs to do right now.

I get so anxious sometimes. Giving up to God is such a dangerous thing. He can break your life, if He wants.

But I know this is what makes me feel most centered. This is what makes me search God the most. I know this is how He can use me. I just have to let Him.

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.”

– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

A few verses about Justice and Righteousness.

Ps 82:3
Vindicate the weak and fatherless;
Do justice to the afflicted and destitute.

Jer 22:3
'Thus says the LORD, "Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor Also do not mistreat or do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed innocent blood in this place.

Also, Isaiah 1.

Rebellion of God's People

1The vision of Isaiah the son of Amoz concerning Judah and Jerusalem, which he saw during the reigns of Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah, kings of Judah.
2Listen, O heavens, and hear, O earth;
For the LORD speaks,
"Sons I have reared and brought up,
But they have revolted against Me.
3"An ox knows its owner,
And a donkey its master's manger,
But Israel does not know,
My people do not understand."
4Alas, sinful nation,
People weighed down with iniquity,
Offspring of evildoers,
Sons who act corruptly!
They have abandoned the LORD,
They have despised the Holy One of Israel,
They have turned away from Him.
5Where will you be stricken again,
As you continue in your rebellion?
The whole head is sick
And the whole heart is faint.
6From the sole of the foot even to the head
There is nothing sound in it,
Only bruises, welts and raw wounds,
Not pressed out or bandaged,
Nor softened with oil.
7Your land is desolate,
Your cities are burned with fire,
Your fields--strangers are devouring them in your presence;
It is desolation, as overthrown by strangers.
8The daughter of Zion is left like a shelter in a vineyard,
Like a watchman's hut in a cucumber field, like a besieged city.
9Unless the LORD of hosts
Had left us a few survivors,
We would be like Sodom,
We would be like Gomorrah.

God Has Had Enough

10Hear the word of the LORD,
You rulers of Sodom;
Give ear to the instruction of our God,
You people of Gomorrah.
11"What are your multiplied sacrifices to Me?"
Says the LORD.
"I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams
And the fat of fed cattle;
And I take no pleasure in the blood of bulls, lambs or goats.
12"When you come to appear before Me,
Who requires of you this trampling of My courts?
13"Bring your worthless offerings no longer,
Incense is an abomination to Me
New moon and sabbath, the calling of assemblies--
I cannot endure iniquity and the solemn assembly.
14"I hate your new moon festivals and your appointed feasts,
They have become a burden to Me;
I am weary of bearing them.
15"So when you spread out your hands in prayer,
I will hide My eyes from you;
Yes, even though you multiply prayers,
I will not listen
Your hands are covered with blood.
16"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean;
Remove the evil of your deeds from My sight
Cease to do evil,
17Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Reprove the ruthless,
Defend the orphan,
Plead for the widow.

"Let Us Reason"

18"Come now, and let us reason together,"
Says the LORD,
"Though your sins are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool.
19"If you consent and obey,
You will eat the best of the land;
20"But if you refuse and rebel,
You will be devoured by the sword "
Truly, the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Zion Corrupted, to Be Redeemed

21How the faithful city has become a harlot,
She who was full of justice!
Righteousness once lodged in her,
But now murderers.
22Your silver has become dross,
Your drink diluted with water.
23Your rulers are rebels
And companions of thieves;
Everyone loves a bribe
And chases after rewards
They do not defend the orphan,
Nor does the widow's plea come before them.
24Therefore the Lord GOD of hosts,
The Mighty One of Israel, declares,
"Ah, I will be relieved of My adversaries
And avenge Myself on My foes.
25"I will also turn My hand against you,
And will smelt away your dross as with lye
And will remove all your alloy.
26"Then I will restore your judges as at the first,
And your counselors as at the beginning;
After that you will be called the city of righteousness,
A faithful city."
27Zion will be redeemed with justice
And her repentant ones with righteousness.
28But transgressors and sinners will be crushed together,
And those who forsake the LORD will come to an end.
29Surely you will be ashamed of the oaks which you have desired,
And you will be embarrassed at the gardens which you have chosen.
30For you will be like an oak whose leaf fades away
Or as a garden that has no water.
31The strong man will become tinder,
His work also a spark.
Thus they shall both burn together
And there will be none to quench them.

under a tree, wrapped in blankets

i saw you there with your eyes closed
you leaned in close with your hands exposed
i was hoping you would soon reach out
to me

it was dusk and you were all dark blue
and how I wanted to kiss you
the wind took all my defenses
away

i was holding on to your hand tight
you opened up and you flashed white and blue

and it's not exaggeration
when i say i can't compose
a simile or stanza
that would even come so close
to describe your kind of beauty
and the grace that you employ
when your face's some kind of billboard
where you advertise your joy

i saw you there with your eyes closed
you leaned in close with your hands exposed
i was hoping you would soon reach out
to me

set for Oct 11th, Bedford, VA (w/ David C. Bates)

Here's what I'm thinking:

1. Faded Photograph
2. Stars
3. B&T Strike Again (Solo)
   
4. Thiland
5. Casey Stocksmith
6. This Is Love
7. Folkspolosion
8. 12.21.2.14
9. In my Memory
10. Kolbe
11. Under a Tree, Wrapped in Blankets
    
12. Love and Grace

re: love

So it's times where you feel the deepest in debt that you start to appreciate forgiveness. I feel like the one who loves much because he's been forgiven of much. But rather than go into that train of thought, here's an update on my life:

Isaiah 44 talks about someone who makes an idol out of wood. And me and my friend Tim wrote a song about it. And I love playing it because it's about me. I am the man who makes an idol out of a piece of wood and makes his breakfast from the fire of the same wood. I remember the taste of ash. I am also the idol that is burning. So the song goes.

I've been trying to make the right decisions. I've been trying to guard my heart without just retreating into a cave for fear of being hurt again. I've been trying to do the right thing.

I am going to do music. Or at least try at it over this next year. Before '09, I'm going to have a full length, even if I have to record it in my room with a 4track. I have people around me who love me and believe in me and believe in Beauty. I want to write songs and play them for people. I hope I'm making the right decision. I'm not doing school anymore. That's my great experiment. I've been praying about it and for it for so long. I just really hope I'm doing the right thing. If after a year I've found no success at all, I'll go back to school, finish the degree, and do something with my life along the lines of youth ministry.

But I think it could happen. I honestly think that I could do it and make it.

There's a movie my dad showed me a long time ago called Chariots of Fire that's about a lot of things, but the most interesting thing in there to me is the stuggle between your faith and what you feel like your faith is supposed to look like. There's this guy named Eric who feels called to missions work and he also can run really fast. He decides to put off missions for a while and run in the olympics, because he has this amazing oportunity to do so. He says this epic statement:

I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.

I feel the same. I know that I feel a call to ministry, but he also trained my hands to play and my voice to sing. And I can't deny that. And when I play, I feel His pleasure.

So that's what I'm gonna do. I really feel like God is happy with me and what I'm doing with my life.

Is. 44:21-23

21 "Remember these things, O Jacob,
for you are my servant, O Israel.
I have made you, you are my servant;
O Israel, I will not forget you.

22 I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me,
for I have redeemed you."

23 Sing for joy, O heavens, for the LORD has done this;
shout aloud, O earth beneath.
Burst into song, you mountains,
you forests and all your trees,
for the LORD has redeemed Jacob,
he displays his glory in Israel.